Welcome to the Suburbs

There must be at least three dads doing yard work at all times

Welcome to the suburbs

That’s Dave, he loves working on his car

Yes, the neighborhood is usually this quiet

They say you can hear a lawn mower from 12 miles away

Let’s go over some ground rules:

  1. If you walk past someone without saying hi it’s ten years of bad luck
  2. No loud music past 8pm (kind of an unwritten rule)
  3. It’s your sworn duty to get mad when you see a car driving too fast
  4. Leave the deer alone (kind of an unwritten rule)

You may notice that there are more dogs than people in the neighborhood

Yes, you still say hi to someone even if you don’t know their name and have no plans of learning it

If you’re ever bored just call the city and try to get a stop sign installed

The moms meet once a month to have cocktails and talk about the Hamilton soundtrack

Oh, it looks like Jeff is painting his house. We don’t talk to Jeff (kind of an unwritten rule)

FYI there must be at least three dads doing yard work at all times or the neighborhood vanishes

The Patterson’s got a new RV — didn’t know they could afford that

If you have any questions please save them for the annual potluck

Also, will you get our mail while we’re on vacation?

Jon Savitt is a writer and comedian featured in outlets including Funny or Die, College Humor, Washington Post, MTV News and more. He’s also a past contributor to the popular comedy web series “Good Mythical Morning.” Find him on Twitter @savittj.

Writer. Comedian | Funny or Die. College Humor. TIME. Washington Post. And more!

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