Updated Basketball Rules
Rule #3: All coaches must be cute babies wearing oversized suits
Rule #1
One player from each team must wear a blindfold at all times
Rule #2
All free throws are shot from half-court
Rule #3
Coaches must be cute babies wearing oversized suits
Rule #4
Everyone wears stilts — even concession stand workers
Rule #5
At halftime teams perform karaoke (songs must be Kidz Bop version)
Rule #6
Refs can replace the ball with a cantaloupe at any time
Rule #7
Players can eat the cantaloupe ball
Rule #8
All players from each team get put into a group text six hours before the game
Rule #9
Birds are released into the stadium during the third quarter
Rule #10
The refs offer a riddle at the beginning of the game, any team that gets it right by the end receives ten additional points
Rule #11
More birds during the fourth quarter
Rule #12
Games must be played in three different locations; teams must travel between locations via horse
Rule #13
One player from each team is required to get a haircut at some point during the game
Rule #14
The nets are now made out of Twizzlers
Rule #15
Don’t forget about all the birds
Rule #16
The jumbotron strictly shows episodes of Are You Afraid of the Dark?
Rule #17
A random fan keeps score and the winner is never revealed
About the Author
Jon Savitt is a writer and comedian from Minneapolis featured in places like Funny or Die, College Humor, Washington Post, TIME, NBC News, and more. You can find him on Twitter @savittj.
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