It was the summer of 2010. A great summer. Perhaps the last good summer. I was eighteen. “Tik Tok” by Kesha was rising on the Billboard charts. Angry Birds was your favorite app. People still liked J.K Rowling. I didn’t know what Rogaine was. It was a simpler time.
Our story begins in a small town in Minnesota. It was a hot summer day, at least 50 degrees (hot for Minnesota). It was a Saturday. I was still living in my parent’s house, because again, I was in high school. Pretty standard stuff. My mom asked me if I could…
One player from each team must wear a blindfold at all times
All free throws are shot from half-court
Coaches must be cute babies wearing oversized suits
Everyone wears stilts — even concession stand workers
At halftime teams perform karaoke (songs must be Kidz Bop version)
Refs can replace the ball with a cantaloupe at any time
Players can eat the cantaloupe ball
All players from each team get put into a group text six hours before the game
Rule #9 Birds are released…
Contestants compete in a series of seemingly mundane challenges (going to the grocery store, eating outside) while trying to avoid getting COVID
Who Wants to Be an Essential Worker?
Contestants win various sanitation products by answering questions about the day-to-day lives of essential workers
The Amazing Race to a Vaccine
A special behind the scenes look at companies as they race to be the first to deliver the COVID-19 vaccine
The Price is Not Right
Contestants guess the prices of healthcare-related things such as flu shots or emergency room visits
Wheel of Misfortune Contestants win prizes by solving…
Finally, it’s the weekend! It’s time to let loose, unplug, and go crazy.
Finally, it’s the weekend. I’m going to take under 1000 steps total.
Like most my age, I have a long list of action-packed activities to look forward to
I’m not going to talk to anyone
I’m sure you’re curious what I have planned
You don’t give a shit what I’m doing
I’ll crack open a beer the second I sign off Slack. I might even try a new cocktail.
If I don’t nap right away I might die
But I can’t relax too long, I have to…
Welcome to the suburbs
That’s Dave, he loves working on his car
Yes, the neighborhood is usually this quiet
They say you can hear a lawn mower from 12 miles away
Let’s go over some ground rules:
You may notice that there are more dogs than people in the neighborhood
When I first started balding in my mid-twenties, I knew I could do one of two things: either ask The Rock for his workout routine or find a way to embrace it. And I really didn’t want to work out more than I had to.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel insecure as I saw my hair begin to disappear. I’d get nervous going on dates. My barber would tell me I’m too young to be going bald (as if I had a choice?). My family would offer reassurance and pretend they couldn’t notice.
My friends have…
Keep track of your points and refer to the answer key at the bottom for your results
Summer camp is like your favorite meal from your favorite restaurant: you can try to replicate it, but you won’t be able to.
There’s also nothing you can say to adequately describe it to others.
“Okay, so it’s like we’re in the woods but we’re not, you know?”
“There are sports and yeah there’s a lake but it’s not really about that stuff”
“Anyway we all sing and dance at breakfast”
The world is separated by “camp people” and “not-camp people” and I am proudly the former. I wear it like a badge of honor (the badge is a mosquito)…
Watching birds from my window
Counting until I get tired
Reading the tags on my clothes
Sitting in silence
Thinking about how to start emails
Standing up but in my kitchen
Thinking about going for a walk but never doing it
Texting my friends “Yeah this is so crazy”
Texting my friends “I know I can’t believe it”
Texting my friends “Not ideal but I’m hanging in there ya know”
Being terrified in CVS
Being terrified in a liquor store
Being terrified at home
Looking at the trees outside my apartment
Naming the trees outside my apartment
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