It’s time to choose presence over productivity — The end of another year is upon us. That means warm eggnog drinks, long periods of time without looking at a clock, and New Year’s Resolutions. Well, you can count me in for two out of the three at least. Don’t get me wrong, like many, I once held resolutions…

Big mystery. Small town. What could go wrong? The milk isn’t the only thing that smells off — It was the summer of 2010. A great summer. Perhaps the last good summer. I was eighteen. “Tik Tok” by Kesha was rising on the Billboard charts. Angry Birds was your favorite app. People still liked J.K Rowling. I didn’t know what Rogaine was. It was a simpler time. Our…

Rule #3: All coaches must be cute babies wearing oversized suits — Rule #1 One player from each team must wear a blindfold at all times Rule #2 All free throws are shot from half-court Rule #3 Coaches must be cute babies wearing oversized suits Rule #4 Everyone wears stilts — even concession stand workers Rule #5 At halftime teams perform karaoke (songs…

“Who Wants to Be an Essential Worker?” — COVID Survivor Contestants compete in a series of seemingly mundane challenges (going to the grocery store, eating outside) while trying to avoid getting COVID Who Wants to Be an Essential Worker? Contestants win various sanitation products by answering questions about the day-to-day lives of essential workers The Amazing Race to…

Like most my age, I have a long list of action-packed activities to look forward to — In Theory Finally, it’s the weekend! It’s time to let loose, unplug, and go crazy. Reality Finally, it’s the weekend. I’m going to take under 1000 steps total. In Theory Like most my age, I have a long list of action-packed activities to look forward to Reality I’m not going to talk to anyone In Theory I’m sure…

There must be at least three dads doing yard work at all times — Welcome to the suburbs That’s Dave, he loves working on his car Yes, the neighborhood is usually this quiet They say you can hear a lawn mower from 12 miles away Let’s go over some ground rules: If you walk past someone without saying hi it’s ten years of bad…

Find out by answering a few very scientific questions — Keep track of your points and refer to the answer key at the bottom for your results Are you a human being from Earth? (1 point) How old are you? -Age 1–49 (1 point) -Age 50–105 (1 point) -Age 106–200 (What?) Have you ever listened to the song “Uptown Funk”…

It’s whatever you want it to be. More importantly, it’s whatever you need it to be. — Summer camp is like your favorite meal from your favorite restaurant: you can try to replicate it, but you won’t be able to. There’s also nothing you can say to adequately describe it to others. “Okay, so it’s like we’re in the woods but we’re not, you know?” “There are…